What If’s?

Taking a look at the other students around me, there are just so many things that I want to do and a lot of regrets building up about what I should have done in the past.

Sitting next to me in the library is a music student, busily working on a music theory assignment, probably composing her own piece. I see another student discussing biology, two talking about their computer science class and another talking about their engineering classes. It really makes me wonder what would have happened if I actually stuck with any of the subjects that I absolutely loved, or the subjects that I despised but I know would have led me to a career where I would enjoy doing.

What if I stuck with biology? What if I stuck with it, worked hard, went to get extra help despite my utter hatred of doing any sciences and maths? Would I have been able to go to university here in Australia for veterinary sciences? What if I did just that? What if I saw myself being happy in helping our neighbours in this world?

Or what if I continued to push for music lessons? What if I learned violin and piano on top of the saxophone, flute and singing? What if I decided to pursue a career in jazz performance and threw in a couple solos with my flute? My saxophone? My voice? What if I practiced for hours on end for every day of the week to the point where I need to stop in order to give my chops and/or voice some rest?

Or what if I decided to pursue law? What if I worked hard and had the drive to become an immigration lawyer? What if I wanted to help people escape from poverty in other nations? What if I want to do everything I can in order to prevent someone from being deported back to a life they worked to leave behind? What if I wanted to become a lawyer specializing in family law? What if I wanted to specialize in helping children escape any horrors that they’re having in their own home? What if I wanted to help people escape their abusive partner? Or defend the innocent? Or prosecute those who deserve it?

It’s these questions that make me wonder if I’m really doing the right thing by choosing what I’m studying. Yes, I have a dream of one day working abroad in a Canadian Embassy, helping people move to Canada and yes, I think the classes I’m taking would help me achieve this. But, I’m also wondering if I’ll make it one day in that field. I also wonder what would happen if I become a veterinarian, or a musician, or a lawyer specializing in family, immigration or criminal justice.

Would I be proud about what I’m studying when someone asks? Not that there isn’t anything wrong with an Arts degree (aside from the locals constantly having quite a lot of inside jokes about arts students).

Studying abroad does have its advantages, but it also has quite the amount of risks as well. What if I don’t find a job after graduating? What if my application for diplomacy training doesn’t go through? What if the degree I have from studying abroad isn’t recognized in Canada? What if I’ll never reach my dream of one day working as an ambassador?

It’s all these things that really terrify my, but I also think that worrying about the ‘what if’s won’t do me any good. I’m here, I’m studying, I know I’m going to be alright. Career wise, I don’t know only because I can’t predict the future. It’s something that I would have to take one day at a time.

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